weak ass rebellion

  Posted on October 8, 2014 at 3:08 pm

the website’s been up about two weeks or so, and I’ve already broken at least five to nine million deadlines I set out for myself regarding posting. how the fuck does everyone else post consistently? I keep thinking that I’ll just come up with a kick ass poem of thanks for sunday, but then sunday rolls around, and guess what?  life. I already know that I’m gonna be terrible at consistently posting on my website if I gotta write shit each day. each day is filled with so much more than what I may/ may not post on my website. but I can’t say I’m gonna post something on sunday, tuesday, whenever, then not do it. can’t punish y’all ‘cuz it turns out my actual life is not conducive to daily written posts. just gotta george takei it. meaning, he was the first person I heard of who wrote a bunch of posts in a day, then spread out posting them throughout the month. I need to carve out time for that. I need to set aside a day and write five thank you poems for the month or something.  especially since my ideas for the process of thanking the universe and those who’ve contributed to me has evolved since the first poem, and may require some actual forethought in its execution. I also want to be better about when I post new poems, new blogs, and especially wanna make sure I get the love, beau shit out there in a manner that maximizes others’ understanding of the process. I can’t keep posting videos for love, beau, waiting two weeks to come up with questions for the audience regarding each video, then waiting some more indefinite time to figure out some process posts for people to better understand my journey with this work.  it’s all too staggered and not  effective in what I want to convey now that the first series of videos has inspired a powerful structural narrative for this work. so what am I saying? all this babble is like an excuse.  and an apology. and a coming clean about myself. yet again yet again. seeing my limitations, learning how much more I’ve got to learn, and figuring out how to be more effective in what I’m trying to accomplish if I’m going to invest in a website and ask the world to engage in it with me. I will begin steve cannon’s book soon, the next love, beau’s gotta come out soon, and I’ve got to set aside enough time for this to actually go down. and I’ve got to set aside enough time to get these posts ready so they drop when I say they will. please be patient with me. I am revealing to you what I need to work on and I don’t feel particularly competent sharing this difficulty I’m having with posting when I say I’m going to. did I ever tell you you’re really great for having read this far?