love beau 4 : Beau Sia

love beau 4

  Posted on September 24, 2014 at 11:58 pm

I got to do a better job about doing things in the timeframe I claim I will. Just before bed is not the 22nd. Was really proud of myself that I went through with it. So much fear looking for an excuse not to. In the end, something changed in me putting up that first video. I saw myself at 38, reciting for the 15 year old who didn’t feel like anyone wanted to listen to him. It was odd how that simple act let go of so much pain I thought I’d overcome. About how I see myself. About how invisible I’ve felt for too long. I’ll write more about the poems individually as I’m able. I’ve decided to watch each, then write my take on how that poem connects to this process of love and my relationship with. I’ve also decided that I am being a little too confusing about what this project exactly is. I imagine that someone watching the videos cold would be confused. Especially if they have expectations based on how I presented myself during the Def Poetry days. I’m not sure many understand why the course of time is important to share all at once. Or why the analysis of the work is not about its craft. I will be clearer. Pray I do this before I drop the next installment. I feel the next installment coming sooner than expected. I just don’t want to claim a date and not make good on my word to Sahra. I thought I grasped the whole of this work, but then I posted the first installment and everything went to another level I’ve yet to be able to articulate. It’s making me confront shit I’m not very comfortable confronting at all. And I embrace it. I want this process to transform me. So I’ll be damned if I let it get corrupted by fear’s need to prove value to the critics n’ analytics.

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